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Deidre
I am so sorry about your husband. I followed you on the Digest.
I lost both my parents to mesothelioma. Mom, the most recent in 2003. She died from second-hand exposure from doing Dad's laundry.
There were 7 siblings. I always ask, "
What is our fate?" We helped to do the laundry also.
To die from doing your job as a wife, woman, mother was so unfair.
They leave behind 7 grieving children, and so many hundreds of people that loved and cared for them.
I will never stop
missing or needing them.
Thanks for listening and my sympathies to you.
Elaine Masten.
Deidre I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you. I've been battling this stomach
bug here
I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (an auto-immune disease) and it takes me just a little longer to get going again.
Do you think others would like to hear me ramble on about my Mom and Dad?
I would love to do somethingI tell
people every day of my life. There's not a day goes by, that I don't get my voice running to someone
The pain still
lingers for me.... I'll never quit missing them.
Anyway, I'm not computer literate. Would it be alright if I just wrote
something and e-mailed it to you?.
I hope this day finds you well.
Elaine K Masten
It's a hard thing to do. And not knowing where to start from,
when talking about your parents and mesothelioma.
Sure takes you back in time and memory.
So, if you're ready,
Get
ready for a ride with me down this lane.
I am Elaine. I live in the State of Michigan, in the USA.
I live approximately
87 miles from my childhood home.
A home my parents purchased when I was 8 years old, way back in 1957.
They lived
there and died there.
It was truly "till death do they part". Dad passed away in May 1990.
But even though that was back
aways,,,It was more the present that comes first.
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It was December of 2001, Mom (Betty) had come down with a cold
It
led to bronchitis. Then pneumonia.
So the doctors were saying.
But come March of 2002, Mom wasn't
any better.
She still had this lingering cough and chest
discomfort
The doctors did tests and determined it needed further looking into.
She entered into hospital in the first week of April 2002
They were to do a biopsy.
This done......she needed further
investigating.
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As I said, I lived about 87 miles away.
I drove into the city one day to have lunch with Mom and family.
Mom was busy getting the results of her biopsy.
We were to meet at the restaurant. I had my daughter with me.
I received the call on my cell-phone
It was one of two things.
But at that time we were all ignorant
of what this mesothelioma was.
We just didn't want to hear the dreaded word
"CANCER"
So when the call came, I was just elated. It wasn't mentioned that
she had "CANCER".
It was thought she had "MESOTHELIOMA".
WHAT IS THIS?
Still not knowing, we met Mom and ate lunch.
It was there she told us about the next step.
It was surgery.
They were going to go in and investigate.
They cut her so bad.
Around her breast and back.
Around her ribs.
It was
horrid!!
They even removed a rib.
While she was in recovery....
The surgeons called us all into a small room,
where once again he mentioned the word
"MESOTHELIOMA'
Prognosis not good,
But they just didn't know.
I told the rest of the family
"Well he didn't say she had cancer".
So there's
got to be some hope.
Right ?
We knew people that had asbestosis.
They were still round
and kicking.
No one told us of the
nightmare we were to encounter.
I started
getting information from the internet.
I
started calling around
In short.
I
started panicking!
Now this word was
becoming to have meaning for me
Now I was wishing it was something as simple as
"CANCER".
.But in any event, I pulled it
together enough to check and see what our
options were.
Who was the best doctor for
Mom to see.
I found Dr. Harvey Pass at the Karmonos Cancer
Institute right there in Detroit
How lucky we were.
Mom wouldn't have to travel too far.
She was still so sore and
hurting from that 'God-Awful' surgery.
That was the second week in April 2002.
I got her an appointment
with Dr. Pass on the 19th of April.
They got her in very quickly
Tests were ordered
It was a very
long day for us
We had an entourage with us.
But eventually... hours later....Dr. Pass emerged.
He came into the
room. He told us in short that it was mesothelioma
He told Mom her options
He also said, "you have 6-8 months to
live".
He could buy her some time.
He could perform surgery.
Then use antiogensis (?) drugs.
But if she opted for the drugs
first, then she would not be a candidate for the surgery later.
Mom was a
healthy 76 year old woman.
She was health in every respect. She got
plenty of exercise.
followed a good diet and maintained a good lifestyle.
And other
than the mesothelioma, she had the health of a 45 to 50 year old
woman.
Well, Dr. Pass did not expect a decision that day.
We left
Karmonos.
Weeks went by with Mom not saying anything. Then I
approached her and asked her "What are you going to do?".
She replied, "nothing"
She chose to live the rest of her time
without being sick from surgery or drugs.
She put her life in the
hands of God.
I was totally devastated.
I called Dr. Pass. He informed me, we had to
abide by Mom's decision.
There was nothing else to be done.
It was her decision.
I couldn't accept this.
I had never felt
so defeated in all my life.
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It
was at this point I scoured the earth and the internet for answers and
help.
It consumed me.
Night and day. This is my Mom!!! Dad's
already gone!! I can't just lose Mom too!
It's not time.
I found out about "Essaic Tea", eating tomatoes,
acupuncture, Meditation.
I learnt it all.
Where there's a will,
there's a way...Right?
Wrong!!
There is no way to save anyone with mesothelioma.
Not then anyway!!
Then I heard about a new drug called Alimta.
It was in the final clinical trial stage.
I called Dr. Pass
Was Mom a candidate? Well, it was available only on a
compassionate basis only.
This was now May 2003.
Mom was getting
worse.
It had been 13 months.
What did the doctors know?
They said 6-8 months.
SHE HAD OUTLIVED THEIR PREDICTION WITH NO DRUGS OR
SURGERY.
But Mom was getting really Bad. She now had a lot of stomach
problems.
A lot of swelling in her abdomen.
She was having a
harder time breathing. It had spread.
She now had peritoneal
mesothelioma. It was in her abdomen
She started out with pleural mesothelioma of the epithelial kind
Before we could get Mom back to Dr. Pass, she ended up back in
hospital. She recovered soon from that bout.
We got her to Dr. Pass at Karmonos
The Alimta had not arrived.
She was given a mixture of gemcitibine and carboplatin.
Within days......Mom was hospitalized.
It was then we found out
that Mom had pneumonia and they weren't aware of it when the the
drugs were administered. She couldn't take it. She started shutting
down. The hospice was called. Mom was sent home
June 26th, 2003 Mom passed away. No!!!! No!!!!
I screamed.
I cried.
It wasn't happening
But it did. How could my beautiful, loving, caring, vibrant
mother be gone
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What's the irony here?
Mom had second hand exposure mesothelioma.
You've got to be kidding me!!! She got it from doing Dad's laundry?.
The woman she was....The hardworking, loving, caring wife and mother.
Just doing her job?
She died from washing Dad's clothes? Well,
what's my fate?
I helped to do Dad's laundry
What is it?... Me next?... Or one or more of my siblings
that helped out also
After all, there were five girls in the
family.
And what about my brother? He went to work in the garage and other
places with Dad.
OUR FATHER
(Eugene J Shelton)
1926-1990
WW11 Veteran
That brings us back to 1990
Here's my Dad
He has passed
How can that be? He's only 65 years old
Dad had been sick for a very long time.
Always with bronchitis, a terrible cough.
Sure he smoked.
But this was different
They told him he had emphysema for a long time.
Occasionally, they hospitalized
him and drained his lungs.
His feet and abdomen was so swollen. He could hardly breath.
He used oxygen daily
and
puffers. Anyway.....scooting ahead to Easter morning 1990. Dad had gotten up to use the bathroom. He was at the sink.
He fell.
We don't know how. We could only speculate.
Was it the meds?. Did he pass out?. Did he fall asleep?
We don't know. But in any event, he broke both feet and ankles
Dad was a big man, weighing around 289 pounds.
It was hard on him. He was hospitalized for approximately 5 weeks.
The doctors came into the room one day and they said, "Gene,
we don't think you have emphysema.
We see a compression or something going on in your chest.
We'd like to send you to Ann Arbor to the U OF
M Hospital for testing".
Dad, emphatically said no!!! It was the Friday before Mothers day in 1990.
Mom went to the hospital to see Dad
She got to his room but he was no where to be found..
She went to the nurses station, where she was told that Dad was in a wheelchair in the lobby
Of the hospital.
His insurance had run out
What the hell!!!
We have a man here as ill as my Dad....two broken feet and ankles,
cannot walk.... told he has something else going on. And they removed him to the lobby .They were going to transport him to a nursing home
in Detroit without so much as a notification to my mother or a member of our family.
She begged the hospital for a couple of hours. They relunctantly gave her two hours
She had a hospital bed bought home,
oxygen tanks bought in and anything else she might need to take care of him.
And care for him she did. Now it's Sunday. it's mothers day.
I go with my husband and family to my childhood home
87 miles away.
We bought Dad a new television. One with a remote. He's never had one of these before.
But it would
help Mom, not having to run down the hall to change the TV station for dad.
But dad had no interest .This I didn't understand
Dad loved TV. It was his best friend. He lived for his TV. And now a colour TV with a remote. But no way. Just not interested.
Well, we visited with mom and dad. It was after all mothers day
We got ready to leave.
I went to give dad a hug and kiss goodbye.
He held me longer than ever. I pulled away first. It was hurting my back being bent over so long. God...I wish I had that minute to live
over again. I would never have let go first!!!
I would have hung on with my life.
I went the 87 miles back home.
I never saw dad again
Friday, May 19th 1990 Dad passed away.
It was when mom was diagnosed with second hand exposure from doing dads laundry......that we were told.
Yes, we were told in all probability, since it was from dads laundry,
that dad also had had mesothelioma or asbestosis.
It was 1990.
Why wouldn't they come out and tell us then?
They said there was something there.
They had suspicions.
But they wouldn't talk about it.
They just put him out in the lobby of the hospital and left him there for the wolves or
anyone else who would claim him.
But, why did dad die just days after being told this?. He went into the hospital with 2 broken feet and ankles.
There are so many unanswered questions.
Could dad have been helped?.
Who knows?.
Here was a man
who had served his country in world war 2.
He worked in the shipyards along the Detroit River in the late 1940's
and early 1950's.
He ultimately retired from the railroad.There was a time in the early 1950's that Dad had his
own filling station.
There he did brake jobs on cars. In 1957 he purchased the first and only home we had and where
he raised a very large family
It was a shell of a house back then. Dad did
all the work inside and out to finish it.
There was asbestos in and out of the house.
There was asbestos in the brakes, in the shipyards.
Dad never had a chance!!.
If this wasn't the silent conspiracy that Michael
Bowker wrote about in his book.
All those years that dad was treated for so many things that now scream Asbestosis!!! and mesothelioma!!!!
I am sorry.....I could go on and on.
This is my mom and dad here that I'm talking about
It was Gene and Betty
to so many people, but mom and dad to me.
Lost.....Gone.....Why ???
They were the best. I was one of the luckiest kids in the world
I was given the best when it came to parents.
Hard working, loving, loyal.
Anything good a child could ask for in a parent...
I was fortunate enough to have been givenAnd this was taken away from me in the most inhumane and cruelest way possible.
When you find out that your own government along with the asbestos companies knew!!!
You just want to scream about the injustice
and the wrongs that have been done to so many.
It is mainly the blue collar workers of all countries that have been afflicted.
They never secured a fortune for the work they did.
They did it because of who and what they stood for.
An end has to be brought
to this injustice so no more have to suffer the way our family and so many more like mine have suffered.
I hope I live long enough, and scream loud enough to be heard and see an end to this. Someone needs to listen to us and to help right the wrong
Thank you for taking the time to read and listen to my story. If I do go on, please understand why.
Thank you
Elaine.
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The following is what
Elaine wrote to me on Tuesday 24th March 2009, after I had finished
entering her parent's story.
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The look you described on Thom's face.....
I remember when the doctor said so bluntly...."you have 6-8 months
to live" Just like that!!!
Mom's face went almost totally white.
She didn't utter a word.
there were five of us with her.
How she kept her composure was beyond me
But being a mom, I'm
absolutely certain she did it for all of us.
The look was
indescribable
One, never to be forgotten.
I call it "the day the lights went out"
But Mom lived on her faith
till the end. She just said, "que sera sera".
She knew if God
wanted her....there was nothing she could do to change the outcome.
So she said "you just take it from there".
God,...I hope I acquire
her strength
I felt at that moment in time that I was six years old. It was horrid
beyond belief.
I know she truly is the Angel that watches over her
family now.
I will never quit missing her or my dad. He was an awesome Irish
gem!!!
His funeral procession was over 2 miles long. There was a
21 gun salute.
There was a changing of the guard each night at his casket
He,
truly was an awesome man!!! We've been told....there are few funeral
parades as long as his was. He was truly loved.....And still is missed
by everyone who knew him.
And the one thing I remember most
is....dad never lived long enough to get grey hair. That sure stands
out with me. I will be 60 this year....and I've yet to get grey hair.
I guess I get this from Dad.
Oh Deidre, I sure go off talking about them. I'm sure you know the
feelings.
I don't know your age....But it doesn't matter.
When
it's your parents....you always remain a child
I really believe this.
But to the site.
Wonderful!!!! I will
always tell people about this
Have a good day. I have so
enjoyed this
Take care my friend!!!
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